As I have mentioned before in previous pots, I am a little smitten with a particular person. At this point there is no need to indulge you with the bullshit that happened a couple of weeks ago. Words were had between “Her” and myself and now, no words have been said between me and him. I miss him a lot tonight. And I’m beginning to hate the feeling. I have known deep down that a real relationship could never ensue between the two of us, but I always stayed optimistic. Which is ironic in a way because I am one of the most pessimistic people around.
Just goes to show why I never get my hopes up. If you expect the worst, then when it happens you can deal with it accordingly knowing that this is how shit was going to work out in the first place. But on the rare occasion of life going opposite your shitty attitude, it feels pretty fucking great! This is not the latter.
I get over him a little more each day, but sometimes I just don’t want to. I don’t understand why we can’t at least attempt to try having a real relationship. I have my hypotheses, but never scientifically proven. I know I deserve better than what I let myself put up with. But I’m tired of waiting. I have 2 beautiful little boys who need a positive male influence and I’m beginning to feel like they aren’t going to get it until it’s too late.
No man my age wants to raise 2 kids that are not his. Hell! Most of them can’t even raise their own. I’m used to being alone, but now I’m just lonely. I love the wrong people too much and I’m damaging myself in return.– Emily
the second site 