The Ministry of Mike Warnke

Will he rise from the ashes?

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Does anyone remember the comedian, Mike Warnke? Back when I was in high school, I collected everything that guy ever wrote or recorded. I was a huge fan, and probably one of the most disappointed of his fans when his lies all came crashing down around him.

Mike Warnke first came to fame as an evangelist and comedian. He purported to have been a high-ranking member in the satanic church, and wrote a book called The Satan Seller in 1973 that described his rise in the ranks of satanism, becoming a high priest for the organization. He touted various accomplishments such as being a soldier in the Vietnam war, being involved in ritualistic kidnappings and rape, and other weird confessions, that I actually never really believed were completely true.

If you have never heard one of Mr. Warnke’s stand-up performances, I would encourage you to do…

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read this mom

so i was on here, catching up ;), and got in the mood to write. but then i couldnt think of a thing. turns out, that was a good thing. this new keyboard made this tiny note take

completely unrelated. but still funny.

foreeeever lol.

since im here, ill let you know-im okay. im worried about you, and sometimes bug and dj. and the dad thing. but mostly, my shits good. its like god decided not to add to it.

i do need to quit with the milk though haha. Love you mommers,

bekkie

 

A Greater Poverty than Hunger

Note from Bird: I found this piece that Rebekkah had written back in December and I loved it. I believed it needed to see the light of day. 

 

It is certainly interesting to exist in the same world as Facebook. There are many lessons to be learned.

For instance, laughter is a priority in any language. I see those goofy, tag-lined pictures come up in languages I’ve never seen before.

People have God on the brain, even if they’re mad at him and talking shit. He comes up an awful lot.

A cute dog/baby is always a hit.

The lesson that strikes me the most, though, is loneliness. It’s an epidemic. Every nook and cranny in Facebook is hiding some loneliness. Everyone has seen it. Those posts from that person you barely remember from that job you had years ago that says something like, “My real friends will reply because they actually care,” but there are no replies, no likes. You know the ones I’m talking about.

Here’s what Mother Teresa said on the matter:

“Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.”

And Mother Teresa knew her poverty.

I don’t know what went on in the mind or heart of the boy who shot all of those kids. I don’t know what life had done to the young man who went into that movie theater with no intention of leaving. These are mysteries that we won’t solve. If I had to guess at the cause, though, I would guess it was this. That they were unwanted, unloved, uncared for, and forgotten by everybody.

It’s a sad day today. Maybe equally as sad as the day of the shootings. Facebook is full of gun control, yes or no, and why did God let this happen. As I’m scrolling through, all I can think is that no one understands. Guns aren’t the problem. God isn’t the problem. We are the problem. Every selfish, apathetic one of us.

People are angry today, looking for an answer. If the problem were a problem of guns, the answer would be gun control. If it were a problem of location, the answer would be a move. If the problem was tv, the answer would be to unplug it. But this is a problem of the soul. He shot 20 little kids. There is only one answer for a problem of the soul.

Lots of people don’t like to hear anything good about God. They want to talk about him, how he’s not doing a good job, or how he’s a fairy tale. For the most part, they don’t do any real research. They build their arguments on opinions and their own biased logic. This is what Jesus said:

“You have heard that it has been said, You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I say to you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them that spitefully use you, and persecute you; That you may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he makes his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.”

He gave us the solution: Love. Love each other. Don’t let people slip through the cracks. Care about their lives, their sorrows, their soul. How can anyone hate God when he’s the only god out there who says that love is the only answer?

– Bekkie

Like a Boss – by Bekkie

Every day for the past 2 months has been a Badass Day.

Every. Single. Day.

I’m not kidding or exaggerating. Every day I wake up feeling pretty good. Then it just gets better. Surprise visits from all my favorite people, sweet gestures, gifts. Beautiful weather. I could tell you everything that has happened, but just like with people, the bare facts can’t convey the full picture of the joy that has taken up residence in my daily life.

Last year, around June, I started praying to learn about love. From what I understood, based on just what Jesus was saying, Love is the most important thing to get down. Logically, love would be the only way you could accomplish anything God says to do. Therein lies the rub. You can’t approach love logically.

So I started praying to learn about it and all hell broke loose. Lost my job, dogs, and home. My parents separated. Dad spiraled out of control.  Mom started drinking. The whole time I wanted to take it back. Pimp Down. I don’t want to know anything else about love.

God didn’t agree. He kept pushing it in my face, starting with the dark side.

And I don’t know when exactly it changed. Somehow, gently and unobtrusively, love crept in to visit with me. Not in front of or around me. In me. All of the sudden, I realize that I’m surrounded on all sides with people I love. I’m starting to think they love me back.

As amazing as that has been, even more awesome is learning about how God loves. I’ve always viewed God as, among other things, an unreachable perfection, slightly scary, and really busy.

He has gone out of his way for the past two months to show me something different. Every day is wonderful, and stamped all over that, like a smile on the inside, is God’s name. He’s letting me know that yes, I’m having an awesome time, yes, it’s ok, and yes, I do love you. I would never have imagined such a lesson.

I’m deeply suspicious of good things. Part of me is worried that this is all a prelude to some great disaster. It’s also occurred to me that I might die young. Mom says I’m being cynical, but I don’t think I’ve ever met someone having as good a run as mine. Just saying.

So to summarize, love is an intrinsic part of happiness. God is better than we can fathom. Some of the best lessons start out the shittiest. And when God’s the teacher, he brings it like a boss.

— Bekkie

The Mystery of the End of the World – by Bekkie

Here we are, ladies and gentlemen. The End of the World. 2012.

Planet Alignment. Magnetic Shift. Global Warming. Mayan Calender. Little word combinations with big implications.

Oh, don’t worry. I know all about the improbability, nay, the impossibility. Scientist are creeping out of their labs in droves to discount every wayward suspicion. The first

It’s the end of the world, bitches!!

40 hits on Google regarding the end of the world are vicious, degrading attacks on the intelligence of every person who gives an ounce of credibility to the thought that 2012 might usher in the end of the world as we know it.

They have several good points. The world has been kickin on just fine, through several previous planet alignments. No major disasters to speak of, especially none stemming from an arbitrary alignment of distant lumps of matter. The alignment is only an alignment when seen from a particular perspective. From any other galaxy, the alignment wouldn’t actually be an alignment. The polar shift will effect very little, if anything, and probably won’t happen anyways. But if it does, it’s not that crazy. Just an inevitability, really. Cars have nothing to do with the weather. And just because there have been a lot of natural disasters lately means nothing when you note how the seasons have changed in times past. The Mayans just stopped there, and there are new life cycles to come. No need to panic.

I hope that was a depressing paragraph for you. I know it depressed me to write it.

Here’s what I believe. Life without mystery is a waste. I’ve found a quote from a smart dude. Maybe you’ve heard of him:

The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed.

Albert Einstein

Yeah, you’ve heard of him. And this dude so well known for his great mathematical mind knew that a good mystery was the only path to knowledge. I love the hype about 2012. I love just the way it sounds, 12-21-12. It was even fun to type.

I love that, while it is highly unlikely that any noteworthy event will occur, its not impossible. It’s not totally out of the question. It’s a mystery. Until the 22nd, we just won’t know for sure. I, for one, am going UFO hunting. I have a feeling if I’m ever going to see one, it’ll be that day. I don’t think they’re aliens. I think they’re a mystery.

And there’s no crime in admitting that it’s just a good mystery. That it’s fun. That it’d be Craaazy if something actually happened, and a bummer if nothing did. The possibility certainly relieves the tedium of Christmas sale commercials and Jingle Bell Rocks. Just saying.

— Bekkie

Text, Love, and Rock n Roll

I’m detecting a new trend in relationships. Hopefully everyone born in the 80s or earlier remember the good old days. The days when people actually spoke on their phones. Regularly. The days of 2 main forms of communication. Face to face, or voice to voice. E-mail was available, but used mainly for business or long distance friends. 

Now we have cells phones. We being everyone. All of us have phones. We have a tiny invisible string coming from our hearts to our phones. 

I, however, have broken away. I noticed a disturbing pattern. Guy meets girl in the line of the Walgreens checkout counter. Girl gives guy number. Guy texts. Girls tries to set time for call. guy evades and continues texts. One week later, guy and girl go on awkward first date. Guy gets handsy. 

Girl takes off because we just met. Hands off, and who raised you?

Same song and dance, replace Walgreens with work, elevator, Jack in the box. And the more text-conversations that occur, the more familiar these guys are. 

The problem with these text foundations are that they don’t hold up. Text messages don’t require instant, organic response. They don’t include any natural inflection. There’s nothing in a text but what the sender wanted you to read. No way to know if they’re lying (and they often are). 

My mom joined a dating site post divorce. Same deal. Weeks of ‘getting to know’ someone. Emails, text, eventually the occasional phone call. She leaves the house after three weeks of ‘talking’ to someone, meets them for the first time, and those were soo not their current photos. Get past that, and find out that while they previously ‘respected the fact that you want to get to know them first’ , they’ve decided to find out if they can convince you otherwise.

I think the problem is that you do spend time getting to know someone. Those texts/emails/messages come from a person out there that might be exactly as funny and nice and reliable as they seem to be. Or not. But the longer those impersonal messages go on, the bigger the disappointment when you find out that’s not going to happen. 

So I’ve done away with the phone. I’ll have a home phone, and they can leave a message or get lost. 2012 has bred quite a few assholes.

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

I think we all can agree, I’m pretty amazing. But even I have my shortcomings. For example, my boyfriend recently pointed out to me that I have a horrendous lack of responsibility in the auto-motive area.

That’s not to say that I forget about gas or anything so trite. Its more of a general distaste for local requirements that I dislike and therefore ignore. This year? I forgot that Japan requires an annual road tax. My car, who I have lovingly named “Henry”, is a Honda Inspire. Let’s all be honest here, that is an old woman’s car if there ever was one (coming in close second to a Crown Vic). Levi has taking to calling it the “U.S.S. Henry” because of its size. For some reason, my car has fallen into the ‘sports car‘ category meaning I have to pay 19000 yen (roughly 235$ every year just so its legal.

My brain apparently said “Fuck the Police.”

Alarmingly, people have started losing their licenses for not paying their road tax. Who knew stickers could cause so much trouble? Levi asked me where my new sticker was so I didn’t get pulled over and I had no idea what he was talking about. Then he proceeded to chastise me about being irresponsible over something that could conceivably get my license revoked. I was upset because honestly I hadn’t even thought about it this year (regardless of the several AF funded reminders on every AFN channel).

Then we discovered something else. My JCI (bi-annual car inspection) is due July 2. Here that costs somewhere in the neighborhood of 600$. My wallet was raw from the rape it had to take.

I was almost in tears, but as most guys do, Levi set me up for success in the car area. He made sure that Monday I didn’t forget to pay my road tax and get the receipt that says my sticker will me in soon and he called up one of his friends to do my JCI so it would be cheaper.

He made everything better. What is it about guys and cars?

I’ve learned a valuable lesson here, but Levi assures me that he will be taking car of all auto-mobile related issues from now on because in that area I can not be trusted. Speaking of… I don’t remember the last time I had the oil changed….

-Bug

O Canada

Hello world. It has been some time since I have engaged with all of you. And in case you are wondering, things are going well. Very well actually. If you recall in a few of my previous posts there was mention of a particular person that I had strong affection for. Well that turned to shit. But I am not upset about it. Things were never going to work like that between us. We are better off friends and that is What we are. I will always love him as I do all my peeps, but physically it had to stop. But I digress. I have, within the last few weeks, met somebody new. A friend of another friend. (That sounds awkward) I had met him a couple of times and I never thought that I would develop feelings for him. It was just friends hanging out. But then it just hit me out of no where. I didn’t even see it coming. Next thing I know, the two of us are getting together quite regularly. It’s not easy for me to take things slow and for the most pat we have been. And I must say, it’s rather exciting. 🙂 Being around him is like being with Bekkie, almost, as in its very easy for the two of us to hang out. We do nothing but talk for hours about any and everything. He makes me laugh, he’s smart, he even speaks French. Which is quite nice to hear even when I have no earthly idea what is being said. :} Everything about him is great and I aways have the best time when we hang out. It just feels natural. I truly hope that this one works out to my advantage. I could use a little pick me up in my life. Now, all that being said, I typed all of this on my phone so forgive me if it’s a little off-balance from my normal readings. I will, as always, do my best to continue my updates. Until the next time. ~E~

Digits

RocknRolla (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

For a few days every month, I feel really good about myself. Generally I have healthy self-esteem, if not excessive. But for a few days, I feel almost invincible. Happy, playful, beautiful. I feel great in general. I suspect it has something to do with ovulation.

Either way, for those few days, I get a ridiculous amount of attention from the opposite sex. I rack up quite a few phone numbers from people in all kinds of places and situations. It’s true, confidence is attractive to everyone.

During my last…we’ll call it ‘rush hour‘. During my last ‘rush hour’, I met a guy at Walgreens. He seemed nice. Good sense of humor, smoked the same cigarettes as I do. He was also missing an arm.

I had never really considered whether or not that would bother me. I was a little surprised to find that it didn’t. He just…well, didn’t have both arms. I accepted his phone number, and actually got in touch with him.

It took a while for us to get together. I made clear to him up front my distaste for the phone. Not only did he not pester me, he displayed a much appreciated patience. When I postponed, we would reschedule and cease communication until then. I hate intermediate chatter via text with new guys. It leads to a false sense of familiarity, and I’m pretty sure it counts as cheating in the dating game.

His refreshing-and rare-acceptance of my preferences, along with the fact that he actually backed that acceptance with his actions, gave me some hope for our first real meeting. People often agree, but hardly ever follow through. I’ll take a man of action above a man with two arms any day. Words are easy. Putting those same words into action is harder.

Alas, that which starts sweet ends bitter, and that which starts bitter ends sweet, to borrow a phrase from Rocknrolla. He was putting up a front, which fell off quickly enough.

So many numbers and people and fingers. So many possibilities grasped or lost or ignored. I don’t feel up to the challenge of sifting through them. For whatever illogical reason, I thought that perhaps the lack of an extremity hinted at some particular value in this man. It didn’t. He was just a normal guy.

I truly wish I could be content alone. I wish the desire for companionship would wane. I wish I could feel safe and happy and secure all by myself. People are a puzzle that I’m not able to solve. There’s too much that’s specific to each individual. It’s hard nowadays to actually get to know someone. They want too much, too soon.

 

—  Bekkie

Unemployment

Fired red stamp (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The first time I left a job, I just quit. I’d been there for years, and just…left. Guess it was just over. The second job, we came to a mutual agreement that I wasn’t the right person. Scheduling issues. My most recent job came to an end two days ago. I was fired.

Had you asked me a week ago, I would have been fairly certain that termination wouldn’t be how I left. Of course, I would have been wrong.

There is a strange kind of pride that comes from pushing someone to that extreme without real effort. There’s also shame. It’s a confusing mix.

I’m not really upset. I was more bothered by the fact that I’d locked my keys in my car prior to the firing, so I had to hang out in the parking lot while I waited for the locksmith. Ghetto.

I had game night the next day. Woke up this morning with nothing at all on my mind, except a vague thought of cleaning out my car. Maybe this is a sign that I’m better off somewhere else. I hope so.

Either way, I have now left each job in a completly different way. My next exit has a lot to live up to. Maybe I’ll find my doppleganger and install her in my place, with a note pinned on her shirt. “gone fishing-hope this works out”.